I know the feeling. You have just had a baby. You are exhausted and maybe a little bit high from the narcotics you received during delivery. You look at your wriggly red baby and think... precious. HEY - that would make a GREAT baby name. Most of us chalk that epithany up to drug induced euphoria. But some parents actually run with those name choices..
Or there is the group of people who think that they are so clever by choosing a name which is a special place or thing (say heaven...) and decide that spelling it backwards will give the name a certain Jeopardy twist to it.... Presto! Nevaeh! And a very proud trailer park mama.... Until she gets one upped by LEGNA!
But seriously - do these parents think that Navaeh is going to go into the Order? And I don't mean The Order of the Pheonix... I am talking about nuns in habits.
And Justice - REALLY? Are these parents channelling desires for their child to be involved in the criminal justice system? I don't mean involved like BEHIND the bench - I mean in the prisoners box.
Names that should be vetted at Vital Stats and sent back to parents for a muligan:
- Any Heaven, Nevaeh or Legna. Those names should come with stripper poles instead of information about post secondary RESPs
- Justice, Dawg, any fruit
- using Ph instead of F or vice versac such as Phiona, Foebe, Phrank
- Neveah! At least spell it right (even though it is a massive wrong)
- Any town where a child was concieved (this includes items as well - Washing machgine, Sealy, etc)
- Junior - this is not a marriage subsitute. If you can't give your baby his or hers baby daddy's last name because he won't sign the birth registration - this is not a discount solution.
Trust that I know from where I speak... I named my first son after a very popular hockey player.. only to met with the devastating news that said son is not hockey bound and certainly will be expected to have the sporty touch from any parent who was a fan in the 1990s. Ironically his 60s hippy named brother is the sporty one. And I too decided to drop a letter for my daughter's name. Only to have some Twilight jackass name his daughter the same name but with superfilious letters and maybe even a hyphen. You can not control the people around you so please do not saddle your child with a moniker that will haunt you.
So before you drop that e or double that vowel or try your hand at inserting ph for f think of your child 15 years from now. Please do not force them into years of spelling their name to anyone who asks (ex it is pronounced like Jennifer but it is spelt Genopher) then please THINK about it. Names are forever unless you join a cult. There are no Legna's who are Crown counsel, or doctors. Juniors end up spending their lives distancing themselves from their estranged fathers. Justice spends his free time running from the law. It is just the way the world is.
Hugs and kisses,
Tassi (and trust that I spell this name everyday while I am at work. Endlessly. T as in Tom, A, S as in Sam, S as in Sam, i..... and people still ask 'Kathy?')
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Saturday, January 7, 2012
People I Want To Kick in the Big Box: Best Buy
Really any retailer who does not have an efficient check out system deserves a HUGE kick in the box.
Today I went to Best Buy with 3 children in tow.... need I remind anyone who has 3 children that taking them shopping is akin to herding stray cats. It was chaos and the store was not even busy. We were on a k-Cup mission! They are buy 2 get 1 free... as the coffee for the Kuerig is hideously expensive and I am clearly a caffeine addict AND time pressed it is essential to buy them on sale. I go through 2 K-Cups a day (as does HWSNBN).
Sooo Lazy Me tried to buy said coffee off the Best Buy website last night.... except that during check out they required NOT only my security code off the back of my card but also asked for my 'password'. I may be lazy but stupid is not on the list so I had to shut it down before Vladimir in Kerplakistan started to hammer out fake Visas and Debit cards in my name.
So this morning I wait at the Best Buy in the shadiest part of Surrey.... although we are lucky as the rain is falling and the sketchiest hobos are still in their nooks and crannies. I prepare my troops - we are going in for coffee not video games or Angry Birds paraphenalia. I *thought* that my only issue was going to be blocking any more crap coming into the house... but alas no! We get past the doors and they scatter like marbles. My anxiety is high as one of the three is not actually my progengy but rather a friends son.
Finally wrangle my herd only to be shown the 5 boxes of K Cups they have left (SERIOUSLY BEST BUY???). Thankfully there is hot chocolate as requested. I satisfy the caffeine gods with 2 Bold coffes and we slowly meander to the cash register.... Only to find a TREASURE trove of K cups stacked in the maze that is the line up line up area. So must ditch lackluster bold coffees for sexier Chocolate truffle coffee and Emeril.
Kids are relatively kept at my side by threats of NO Tim Hortons run if they scatter again.... there is only one guy in front of us (and only one cashier). His transaction seems easy and straight forward. It still takes 8 minutes. By which point my kids are playing 'cashier' at the empty tills. And I don't care because I can see them and it is Best Buy's problem that they are too cheap to actually man those tills.... finally my turn. Kids think that I am done so make a break for the door. AM clearly NOT done. Am trying to explain buy 2 get one 1 free deal to cashier (who is clearly at her maximum ability to cope). She finally has to call a manager over to confirm that I am right. I can feel the urge to smack growing.
Finally we are released from our bondage at Best Buy. And I am left wondering if protecting my security last night was worth the marble herding this morning.
Today I went to Best Buy with 3 children in tow.... need I remind anyone who has 3 children that taking them shopping is akin to herding stray cats. It was chaos and the store was not even busy. We were on a k-Cup mission! They are buy 2 get 1 free... as the coffee for the Kuerig is hideously expensive and I am clearly a caffeine addict AND time pressed it is essential to buy them on sale. I go through 2 K-Cups a day (as does HWSNBN).
Sooo Lazy Me tried to buy said coffee off the Best Buy website last night.... except that during check out they required NOT only my security code off the back of my card but also asked for my 'password'. I may be lazy but stupid is not on the list so I had to shut it down before Vladimir in Kerplakistan started to hammer out fake Visas and Debit cards in my name.
So this morning I wait at the Best Buy in the shadiest part of Surrey.... although we are lucky as the rain is falling and the sketchiest hobos are still in their nooks and crannies. I prepare my troops - we are going in for coffee not video games or Angry Birds paraphenalia. I *thought* that my only issue was going to be blocking any more crap coming into the house... but alas no! We get past the doors and they scatter like marbles. My anxiety is high as one of the three is not actually my progengy but rather a friends son.
Finally wrangle my herd only to be shown the 5 boxes of K Cups they have left (SERIOUSLY BEST BUY???). Thankfully there is hot chocolate as requested. I satisfy the caffeine gods with 2 Bold coffes and we slowly meander to the cash register.... Only to find a TREASURE trove of K cups stacked in the maze that is the line up line up area. So must ditch lackluster bold coffees for sexier Chocolate truffle coffee and Emeril.
Kids are relatively kept at my side by threats of NO Tim Hortons run if they scatter again.... there is only one guy in front of us (and only one cashier). His transaction seems easy and straight forward. It still takes 8 minutes. By which point my kids are playing 'cashier' at the empty tills. And I don't care because I can see them and it is Best Buy's problem that they are too cheap to actually man those tills.... finally my turn. Kids think that I am done so make a break for the door. AM clearly NOT done. Am trying to explain buy 2 get one 1 free deal to cashier (who is clearly at her maximum ability to cope). She finally has to call a manager over to confirm that I am right. I can feel the urge to smack growing.
Finally we are released from our bondage at Best Buy. And I am left wondering if protecting my security last night was worth the marble herding this morning.
Friday, January 6, 2012
People I Want to Kick in the Junk - 'Andrew'
So at the end of the summer we decide to have a female tenant. I am like a serial killer when it comes to picking out tenants - usually young men in their mid 20s with a cat. Not picky about what kind of cat - it just seems to be the winning combo for us.
But we decided to rent to a young girl in the fall. She was too young for HWSNBN (He Who Shall Not Be Named) to give the side eye too (as she would want children and that is a boner killer for any guy in his 40s with three young kids already) and she seemed reasonably nice and clean.
We allowed her to move in 2 weeks early (no rent paid) as she had lots of stuff and a piano and was having a 'hard time' with her landlord.
By mid October we notice a really shady Ford Focus with body damage and a N (new driver) magnet on the back blocking our drive way. By late October the shitty car is a fixture in our upscale neighbourhood. We go away to California and return to see the shitty car driver bringing groceries into the house.
By November we are pretty sure he is living in our suite with our 'nice' young tenant. His shitty 'ride' is parked when I get home from work at 3am but mysteriously is gone by 6am when HWSNBN leaves... curious. Does he actually have a home he returns to? Maybe he lives with his parents? And that is why she can't hang out there for their dong fests?
By the end of November I am PISSED as young sweet tenant is avoiding me. So I send her a nice little email indicating that it FEELS like her boyfriend lives here.
She fesses up and provides all the info we ask for. We meet this guy one evening in December and it comes crashing down on us that sweet little tenant is shacked up with a Class A LOSER!!!
He is 31 years old, he has a BABY with a woman whom he professed to have dated for years but she 'wasn't supposed to get pregnant' {No shit - NO ONE should get pregnant with this guy unless there are some serious beer goggles on and no pharmacy close by), he was COUCH surfing before he landed young sweet tenant, and ... drum roll... the reason why his car was gone was due to the fact that he was a newspaper delivery guy!! But never fear he has moved up to be a dry waller. In Chilliwack.
I am just staring at young sweet tenant. GOB smacked. She is cute and sweet and nice and plays the piano. She works hard at two jobs and drives a cute wee car. HWSNBN is utterly bewildered.
Cue the end of December. We agree that they will move out March 1st (did I mention the suite is only 500 square feet big??? and I psychotically stated in the ad on craigslist only ONE person to reside here?). I start to smell POT coming through the vents.
I have had bad cooking tenants (loved you Trevor but sometimes it smelt like you were sauteeing cat food) so I can tell the difference. There are no skunks in the hood close by and I have never smelt their spray in the cul de sac. I KNOW this is weed. Add in MUCHO work experience and I can pick weed out of a line up.
First time we let it go. Young Sweet Tenant is not home. It happens AGAIN. I call her on her cell phone. She explains that she is not home. I ask her to kindly remind FuckTard that it is a non smoking suite and will he kindly smoke his junk elsewhere. Like the park where all the other losers hang out.
So tonight when I smelt the pot in the family room and my son's room (did I mention that the suite vents into our third floor and specifically into my 6 year old sons room???) I put my clogs on and went downstairs to kick some ass.
Initially Andrew 'I'm Such a Goof I Can't Mature Past 16' denies that he smoked pot, then admitted to rolling it in the suite. I must at this point tell him to SHUT THE FUCK UP as I have a 6 year old with the munchies which tells me that he is doing more than rolling it. He again tries to deny it. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? I kindly tell Andrew to STOP talking before this gets really ugly. I explain in NO uncertain terms (although he is a goof so who knows how much he actually understands what with the girlfriend that he was banging yet can't understand how she got pregnant) that he is to cease and desist bringing pot into our home. End of story.
If we have to talk about this again it will be with the RCMP at my side to keep the peace so I don't kick him till he stops moving. My 6 years old is losing brain cells and I am on weight watchers and have little will power left to stop myself from kicking this guy till he is dead.
Time to put on the tap shoes and let the dogs nails grow too long and let the kids play BeyBlades in the kitchen. Soccer cleats in the kicthen which is above the love nest - of course young ones - CLOG ON!!
But we decided to rent to a young girl in the fall. She was too young for HWSNBN (He Who Shall Not Be Named) to give the side eye too (as she would want children and that is a boner killer for any guy in his 40s with three young kids already) and she seemed reasonably nice and clean.
We allowed her to move in 2 weeks early (no rent paid) as she had lots of stuff and a piano and was having a 'hard time' with her landlord.
By mid October we notice a really shady Ford Focus with body damage and a N (new driver) magnet on the back blocking our drive way. By late October the shitty car is a fixture in our upscale neighbourhood. We go away to California and return to see the shitty car driver bringing groceries into the house.
By November we are pretty sure he is living in our suite with our 'nice' young tenant. His shitty 'ride' is parked when I get home from work at 3am but mysteriously is gone by 6am when HWSNBN leaves... curious. Does he actually have a home he returns to? Maybe he lives with his parents? And that is why she can't hang out there for their dong fests?
By the end of November I am PISSED as young sweet tenant is avoiding me. So I send her a nice little email indicating that it FEELS like her boyfriend lives here.
She fesses up and provides all the info we ask for. We meet this guy one evening in December and it comes crashing down on us that sweet little tenant is shacked up with a Class A LOSER!!!
He is 31 years old, he has a BABY with a woman whom he professed to have dated for years but she 'wasn't supposed to get pregnant' {No shit - NO ONE should get pregnant with this guy unless there are some serious beer goggles on and no pharmacy close by), he was COUCH surfing before he landed young sweet tenant, and ... drum roll... the reason why his car was gone was due to the fact that he was a newspaper delivery guy!! But never fear he has moved up to be a dry waller. In Chilliwack.
I am just staring at young sweet tenant. GOB smacked. She is cute and sweet and nice and plays the piano. She works hard at two jobs and drives a cute wee car. HWSNBN is utterly bewildered.
Cue the end of December. We agree that they will move out March 1st (did I mention the suite is only 500 square feet big??? and I psychotically stated in the ad on craigslist only ONE person to reside here?). I start to smell POT coming through the vents.
I have had bad cooking tenants (loved you Trevor but sometimes it smelt like you were sauteeing cat food) so I can tell the difference. There are no skunks in the hood close by and I have never smelt their spray in the cul de sac. I KNOW this is weed. Add in MUCHO work experience and I can pick weed out of a line up.
First time we let it go. Young Sweet Tenant is not home. It happens AGAIN. I call her on her cell phone. She explains that she is not home. I ask her to kindly remind FuckTard that it is a non smoking suite and will he kindly smoke his junk elsewhere. Like the park where all the other losers hang out.
So tonight when I smelt the pot in the family room and my son's room (did I mention that the suite vents into our third floor and specifically into my 6 year old sons room???) I put my clogs on and went downstairs to kick some ass.
Initially Andrew 'I'm Such a Goof I Can't Mature Past 16' denies that he smoked pot, then admitted to rolling it in the suite. I must at this point tell him to SHUT THE FUCK UP as I have a 6 year old with the munchies which tells me that he is doing more than rolling it. He again tries to deny it. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? I kindly tell Andrew to STOP talking before this gets really ugly. I explain in NO uncertain terms (although he is a goof so who knows how much he actually understands what with the girlfriend that he was banging yet can't understand how she got pregnant) that he is to cease and desist bringing pot into our home. End of story.
If we have to talk about this again it will be with the RCMP at my side to keep the peace so I don't kick him till he stops moving. My 6 years old is losing brain cells and I am on weight watchers and have little will power left to stop myself from kicking this guy till he is dead.
Time to put on the tap shoes and let the dogs nails grow too long and let the kids play BeyBlades in the kitchen. Soccer cleats in the kicthen which is above the love nest - of course young ones - CLOG ON!!
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