SAHMs

I used to think that working shift work would be the Great Parenting Equaliser. I would continue to be Uber Mom during the day and HWSNBN would be the Best Dad he could be during the night.

But as I sit here with a body that doesn't know if it is night or day, eczema crawling up my hands and a bad case of the midnight munchies, I wonder who is having the last laugh.

I work full time. I have three kids. I have a live in caregiver who is amazing and makes all of this possible. Ditto for HWSNBN. I could not do this to myself without their help. But when 'THIS' turns into a body that is itchy, twitchy and fat I wonder if it is all worth it.

If I did not work full time we would probably be living in a townhouse somewhere. And that would not be good news because I don't get along well with others and I tend to be a 'yeller'.

If I did not work my kids would have me around all the time. Which is actually not a great thing as I am not stay at home mom material. My husband's paygrade on his own would not allow me the Housewives lifestyle that I would need and I get into enough scraps with the limited 'free time I have'.

I do a lot of the same things SAHMs do (I can't express how much I LOATH that acronym - especially when women who are 'stay at home moms' because they are unskilled and unable to work outside of the home in any capacity except for menial work... so really you stay at home because you are not employable by anyone other than your progeny). I cook dinner, I make lunches, I drive my kids to school, I sign them up for activities, I volunteer to be the 'Soccer mom', I meet with doctors and dentists, I volunteer at school, I pick my kdis up, I host playdates with other kids (who thankfully are well behaved little beings otherwise that would something I would cross off my list). I help with homework, I shop for clothing, I organise birthday parties, etc.

BUT I also manage to put in 35 hours a week in a demanding profession...

I guess what I am saying is that even though I thought that it would even up our family responsibilities, HWSNBN and I are not EVEN. We are possibly as close to even as we will ever be - but the chores are not evenly distributed. He believes that we are beyond even and perhaps he is actually doing 'more'.

I like my job. Dare I say I actually love it. I am a professional and feel like I am actually at an experience level that I feel confident that I can deal with almost any child welfare issue that may arise.

So that is it - I do this so that I can be the psuedo Stay At Home Mom. I do this because I love my kids and my job. I do this because I love my husband. I don't have time to kick the phony SAHMs to death because I am too busy trying to work in exercise and extra curriculars for the monkeys.

So there it is - the pee in the pool. I loath the SAHMs. I can always tell who the 'working' moms are at school. They are the ones who either look fabulous or ridden hard and put away wet. The are rarely in the Lululemon uni that the SAHMs are in. They are either dressed up or in a typical pair of jeans and t-shirt just trying to make sure they get all the kids into the car and to swimming, soccer, ballet, tutoring, before their shift starts on the Renal ward or the local police detachment.

Lets be clear - there are moms who 'stay at home with their children' who are not infected with the holier than thou attitude that the self stated SAHMs have. Many of these moms are my friends and they don't need to blast it to the world that they are stay at home moms. Because they know that they are good enough and don't need to ram it down anyone's throat or clog my facebook / twitter feeds with their masturbatory self proclamations. In the end we are all parents and the relationship we develop with our children is what matters. It doesn't matter if we worked outside the home, 'stayed at home' or did a little of both. What matters is that you are present when you are with your children.

Often times those of us who are 'pretend' stay at homers do not get to see the working moms who work during regular hours. We see them on weekends at soccer jamborees and evening PAC meetings. We high five at birthday parties and share emails in the middle of the night about the kid with the reoccuring lice. We have hurried conversations about nightime wakefullness and out general feelings of anxiety that we are forgetting something. These are my people.

I love my family, I love my caregiver, I love my job, I love my life. Rinse, repeat.