People Who Name Their Babies Legna, Nevaeh and Spritzer,

I know the feeling. You have just had a baby. You are exhausted and maybe a little bit high from the narcotics you received during delivery. You look at your wriggly red baby and think... precious. HEY - that would make a GREAT baby name. Most of us chalk that epithany up to drug induced euphoria. But some parents actually run with those name choices..

Or there is the group of people who think that they are so clever by choosing a name which is a special place or thing (say heaven...) and decide that spelling it backwards will give the name a certain Jeopardy twist to it.... Presto! Nevaeh! And a very proud trailer park mama.... Until she gets one upped by LEGNA!

But seriously - do these parents think that Navaeh is going to go into the Order? And I don't mean The Order of the Pheonix... I am talking about nuns in habits.

And Justice - REALLY? Are these parents channelling desires for their child to be involved in the criminal justice system? I don't mean involved like BEHIND the bench - I mean in the prisoners box.

Names that should be vetted at Vital Stats and sent back to parents for a muligan:

- Any Heaven, Nevaeh or Legna. Those names should come with stripper poles instead of information about post secondary RESPs
- Justice, Dawg, any fruit
- using Ph instead of F or vice versac such as Phiona, Foebe, Phrank
- Neveah! At least spell it right (even though it is a massive wrong)
- Any town where a child was concieved (this includes items as well - Washing machgine, Sealy, etc)
- Junior - this is not a marriage subsitute. If you can't give your baby his or hers baby daddy's last name because he won't sign the birth registration - this is not a discount solution.

Trust that I know from where I speak... I named my first son after a very popular hockey player.. only to met with the devastating news that said son is not hockey bound and certainly will be expected to have the sporty touch from any parent who was a fan in the 1990s. Ironically his 60s hippy named brother is the sporty one. And I too decided to drop a letter for my daughter's name. Only to have some Twilight jackass name his daughter the same name but with superfilious letters and maybe even a hyphen. You can not control the people around you so please do not saddle your child with a moniker that will haunt you.

So before you drop that e or double that vowel or try your hand at inserting ph for f think of your child 15 years from now. Please do not force them into years of spelling their name to anyone who asks (ex it is pronounced like Jennifer but it is spelt Genopher) then please THINK about it. Names are forever unless you join a cult. There are no Legna's who are Crown counsel, or doctors. Juniors end up spending their lives distancing themselves from their estranged fathers. Justice spends his free time running from the law. It is just the way the world is.

Hugs and kisses,
Tassi (and trust that I spell this name everyday while I am at work. Endlessly. T as in Tom, A, S as in Sam, S as in Sam, i..... and people still ask 'Kathy?')